It’s hard out there for a pig. You sail to work every day for 30 years, they give you a watch, slap you on the hiney, and tell you a rooster took your job. Your kids are doing drugs with the monkeys, and your wife is making eggs and bacon with the rooster in the next boat over.
But there’s someone out there for you. Or two someones and a complementary dwarf. What’s important is love. Love makes the world stand still. All you need is love, and a little privacy, and the world is your trough.
Our Fairy Tale Nude Massage is the perfect was to relax after a long day sitting alone and working your oar. We have a wide variety of racial beauties to appeal to any taste, from Mangalica to Mulefoot to some beautiful exotic Durocs. We’ll rub you down with our patented Oinkment massage oil, and take you on a magical adventure of knights, princesses, and even a dragon! And, like all fairy tales, you’re guaranteed a happy ending!
Take some time to relax in our apple bar, full of fresh fruit, rotten fruit, and appealing-looking cans. Our bar is staffed by human waitresses, so feel free to boss them around. And, with no non-pig animals allowed, enjoy those BBQ wings without getting weird looks, like you could when you were a kid!
Once you’re done stuffing yourself in the apple bar, stuff one of our private workers in our luxury pens. Our rates are negotiable, but our quality is always high.