Saffron and Sage

Is it weird that I actually like Homestuck 2, and am at the same time going “Oh Christ, I have to read it now”?

Regardless! New planet! New lore! Will we get a whole new species now? I really hope so, it’d be lame (and nonsensical) is it were just more trolls. I want to see what the natives of Universe C look like!

I didn’t think about it enough in Chapter 1, but the fact that Terezi crash-landed the ship, apparently on purpose and for lulz, is really weird. This is a bit past “prankster” and more in the realm of “the player you stop inviting to DnD”. Wandering out in space for years and fucking John Egbert changes a person.

New looks for everyone! Fun fact: That painting behind Dirk – which is a real painting Andrew Hussie owns – actually made a cameo appearance in Legend of the Hare!

Which was mostly a reference but also foreshadowing that Mary here would be the Horse Champion. Anyway, new looks for everyone! Homestuck characters used to change appearances constantly but it sort of stopped after Act 6, so it’s nice to see the return of Fashion. Apparently, Terezi ditched Jade’s shoes at some point for dragony ones and grew her hair out, while Rose is wearing a statue of liberty tiara, which is probably a reference to all the statues of liberty Alpha Dave made in that timeline for reasons that never seemed to matter at the time but now might.

This is a cute little subtle gag. Dirk’s “Terezi, you too” was extending the “Render yourself more symbolically” command, but Terezi thought it was a continuation of Dirk’s line from the previous page. She’s not as immune to his powers as she things. That green jacket is more than a little evocative of Lord English, and the color-loving Terezi could probably be convinced to trade the gold trim for flashing colors. Just a thought to keep in the back of your mind.

ROSEBOT: At the very least, none of us succumbed to substance abuse. Or re-succumbed, I guess I should say.

ROSEBOT: The perks of not having an appetite or a liver, in my case.

ROSEBOT: In yours… I’m actually not sure. Perhaps the underlying cognitive dissonance or trauma you were originally trying to distract yourself from is no longer a going concern?

ROSEBOT: Or…
ROSEBOT: No, wait.
ROSEBOT: That’s not right.
ROSEBOT: I’m thinking of a different Terezi.
ROSEBOT: Or maybe I’m thinking of a different me?
ROSEBOT: Maybe the different me is thinking of a different Terezi, and I’m just witnessing the thought happen as a bystander.
ROSEBOT: It’s much the same thing at this point.
ROSEBOT: …
ROSEBOT: And I suppose I’m also prematurely ruling out the potential of anime functioning as an abusable substance.
ROSEBOT: In which case I’ve got very bad news for all of us.

The plot of Homestuck is so convoluted that even the characters can’t keep it straight anymore. Rose is referring to her struggles with alcoholism in the original Game Over timeline, but this Rose is from the post-Retcon timeline, and going Ultimate is causing them all to blend together in her mind. Also she seems to think that Game Over Terezi’s problem was being addicted to Faygo, not having an abusive boyfriend, unless she’s thinking of some other Terezi.

Also, as someone who was the treasurer of a college anime club despite not liking anime, I can confirm that Rose has some very bad news indeed.

ROSE: Where shall our allegory begin?
DIRK: Beg pardon.
ROSE: Oh come on. The cave?
ROSE: I have to say I’m a little disappointed in you. Three years, and not once did I witness you replacing any parts of the ship.
ROSE: How are we to jerk ourselves off philosophically if you don’t lean into your clumsy allusions?
DIRK: It’s a fair question.
DIRK: But since the name you suggested was nothing more than a very juvenile play on words, I can’t say you’ve got much ground to stand on.
ROSE: What’s juvenile about The Kant?
DIRK: Nothing.
DIRK: At least, not when you say it.
ROSE: It’s not my fault you sound like a gay cowboy.
DIRK: Sigh.

See, this is what the epilogues were missing! Bantz! Rose was practically comatose for the Meat epilogues, so it’s good to see her back. Maybe one day we’ll get Jade back, too.

Who the fuck is this? This isn’t Dirk narrating, it’s black text. Is this the same person who was narrating the last chapter with Calliope? That narrator didn’t address the audience like this.

Dirk is naming the new planet “Deltritus”, which is a Homestucky portmanteau of Delta (As in “D”; It’s the fourth SBURB planet), and detritus. Kind of an insulting name, honestly. If this planet has SBURB on it, doesn’t that imply it’s inhabited? Do the locals not have a name for it?

DIRK: The point is, we will be building intelligent life on this planet from scratch. That was one of our key mistakes with Earth C. We should have started our guidance from the very beginning, instead of letting it grow organically in our image.

Oh, okay, guess not.

ROSE: Our own world was abandoned by its gods. Or, I suppose, its gods never reached it.

I’d actually really love to see an AU where there trolls made it, and Vriska and Aradia guided the human race as immortal gods. Rose is right that it probably would’ve been way worse, especially given how the Alpha Earth went.

I’m deeply curious about who this narrator is, who speaks in a neutral black text and uses more casual language than Dirk or Calliope. Is this Ultimate Dave, maybe? It sounds more like Dave than anyone else. But how?

Oops, I was wrong. It was Dirk, all along. Well I guess you’ve made a monkey – yes you’ve finally made a monkey – you’ve finally made a monkey out of me.

Oh, that’s actually cool! Rose and Dirk are going to create their own species and let them compete to play the game!

ROSE: There’s something so delicious about the two of us being the ones to populate an entire planet from scratch.
ROSE: The irony doesn’t get much sweeter.

“From scratch”, you say?

DIRK: Next step is adding mutations.
DIRK: We can use any old shit for this. Literally any captchalogueable object can be added into the mix by inserting its card into one of the slots here.

So, they each clone themselves, and throw random items in the pot to basically alchemize a new species, the way they used to make weapons? The potential for absurdity here is immense, as is the potential for crimes against god.

ROSE: It’s amazing what pieces of inconsequential information your mind can recall at a moment’s notice, a whole decade after they were last relevant or interesting to anyone.
ROSE: …
ROSE: I think I missed this.

I did, too. Behind all the angst and the melancholy and the sci-fi adventures, Homestuck is a profoundly stupid comic and I’m unironically glad they’re remembering it, and bringing back some of the fun of creation.This is a surprisingly impactful line.

Ed….ward……

Incredible. This is all sorts of fucked up and I love it.

Oh god, Dirk is going to make Cherubs and Rose is going to make Squiddles and the long-memed 48-player Squiddle session is actually going to happen, isn’t it?

Edit: Any item that can be captachlouged can be made part of the species, and that includes John’s dead body that’s currently burning a hole in Terezi’s inventory. So Karkat’s shitty breeding chart from Act 5 can come true after all.