Hey there i’m been doing this webcomic that alot of readers like call SURPRISE-HAWK and i like to see if you like to read and review it . i’m almost done with book 2. If you don’t wan’t to i understand heres the site www.severecomics.com and i hope you have a nice day and thank you for your time 🙂
What the Jesus Christ is this archive system? This comic is hard to read. Like, literally, there’s a full-screen icon covering a text box, and the full-screen version is WAY bigger than my Surface screen. Anyway.
This layout is very strange.
Sis’s word balloons are basically a straight line down the right side of the page, so it’s easy to miss Harriet’s lines, especially the last one that’s off in the corner away from any art. Think about the composition of the whole page and how it helps or hurts clarity.
(Also, that background in panel 2. Far be it from me to criticize someone else’s art, but if I can use a ruler tool to make straight lines, so can you).
Actually, I am going to criticize the art. What the hell is going on in Panel 5? I thought she was getting something off a cabinet. But I guess she’s waving while going out the door? Why is the door closed? Why’s it so small and having a bit of a curve? I’m pretty confident that you can draw an open door.
If Last Days of Foxhound can clearly indicate a door, so can you!
Again, word balloon placement. I read left-to-right, so I read “Mmmgghhmm” before I read the evil boss guy’s line, even though the “Mmmgghhmm” is supposed to be an interruption. (Who goes “mmmgghhmm” to interrupt?). The interrupting guy should be on the right, or at least his word balloon should.
Oh look, panel 2. Harriet answers a question before it’s asks, because her balloon is left of Jazz’s. Why does Harriet get all these silent close-ups, by the way? (I do like the store just being called “The Store”….even if the sign Jazz points to reads “$ Mart”)
Having read the first 12 pages (and not being able to find more quickly; seriously wtf), I think the writing is fine (if a little clunky) but you need to work on you composition and panel placement and spend a bit more time on the art.